I’m Christian Foremost, a Filipino Blogger/Writer/Podcaster and mental health advocate who writes personal stories of growth, life advice, and refreshing perspectives to inspire you to love yourself. I promote daily journaling as a healthy outlet to express and explore one’s honest thoughts and feelings. The path towards self-discovery and actualization starts by acknowledging your truths and facing your problems head-on.
My Life is a Book and I am the Author
I always imagined that my life was a story and I’m the author writing it. An overly ambitious control freak works too hard to be everything he needs to be. He constantly pushes himself beyond breaking point, but everything will be worth it because he will get what he wants. He has to get what he wants!
If I would like something big to happen in the next couple of chapters, I would make sure that scenes from the present moment flow into that desired outcome. My brain starts getting filled with radical details of scenes from different settings showing how my character interacts with other characters. I continue to ask myself. “How can my character fully develop as the series of events build up?”, “What conflict or challenges should my character power through until he achieves his goals?”.
I want everything laid out. The outline of my story is all planned out and I want to go by the letter. If my character continues following this path, it will eventually lead to where he wants to be. This is my story. This is my life. I should be in charge. I should be in control.
But no. I’m not God. I’m only human, just like the 7.7 billion other people living on Earth today. It wasn’t my choice to be born in this world and the circumstances I grew up with were because of the choices my parents made in their lives. And now that I’m a full-grown adult do I start seeing how the world truly works. Society was built by those in power, where the rich grow richer and the rest either have to work to bone or be damn lucky for a shot at a better life. Our every day are impacted by the choices of our leaders and the whims of our fellow countrymen. One person cannot do any significant change on his own, especially when nobody cares to listen.
There’s not a lot of things in life that we have power over. We can’t snap our fingers and create things out of thin air. We compel our crushes to fall in love with us. We don’t have the power to read people’s minds so we don’t know what they really feel. We can’t predict the future, no matter how much hope we have. We can’t make anything happen just because we really want them to.
Trying to be in control around the uncertainties of the world and the unpredictability of people around, it’s hard to trust that everything will be alright. Expectations bring disappointment. With hope, comes hurt. Love leads to heartbreak. I know that this is a pessimistic view of life, but I’d rather accept the worst-case scenarios as inevitable than get carried away by exciting possibilities only to be snatched from me at the last minute.
I’m tired of constantly thinking about every action I make and every word I say, always worrying if I might be doing something wrong. Instead of letting myself suffer fighting the monsters of my making, I should just surrender. I’m exhausted from overthinking and slaving my ass off doing something that doesn’t work. I should just let go. I should drop the things that are weighing me down and let myself fall to the ground.
Let me cry in frustration as it slowly turns into acceptance and then peace. I’m taking this moment to reflect on what I really want out of life and keep them very simple. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that I am just one person. I should only be taking on what I can or asking others for help when needed. It’s time to start cutting out the things that only cause pain and distance myself from places and situations where I feel like I don’t belong. I was only hurting myself by holding people to their promises. Things can change. People change their minds in an instant. I should understand that by now. We can’t stop change, but just allow it to happen. If people’s intentions are genuine, then they will come through regardless of whether I trust them or not.
It would be nice to have to power to fast-forward through time to take us only to the good parts, but that is not how life works. We have to live through each painstaking second of this life and know that we don’t really have to rush. We have to learn to be more patient and just keep learning and growing. Accept the present moment as it comes, but then let it go. Let’s get out of our heads and live in the now. Cherish these moments we have now no matter how long or short they are.
“Expectation” is a word that no longer holds any value to me. I’m starting to practice non-attachment. Non-attachment is the opposite of closing yourself off. Instead, it is opening your doors to life. I’m keeping the doors open for moments to enter and pass through. I’m letting people come and go, hoping that they at least enjoyed their stay with me. At this time of my life, I don’t have everything figured out and that is okay. I will only be taking this passion of mine wrapped in good intention and seeing where it takes me. Hopefully somewhere good…
My Story Continues
This is still my story and I’m still a writer, but the next few pages of my life are going to be left unwritten. I don’t have all of the answers and the only thing that I can control is how I react to whatever life throws at me. Sure, there’s a lot of uncertainties. I don’t know if I’ll have a happy or a sad ending, but I’m not going to just wait around to find out. I’m gonna keep living, challenging life to bring it on! I bet it’s gonna be good and I’m going to write all about it.
Want more blogs like this?
Subscribe to the blog to get early updates on latest posts!
Love this blog? Pin it!
Share this blog and tag your friends!