I’m Christian Foremost, a Filipino Blogger/Writer/Podcaster and mental health advocate who writes personal stories of growth, life advice, and refreshing perspectives to inspire you to love yourself. I promote daily journaling as a healthy outlet to express and explore one’s honest thoughts and feelings. The path towards self-discovery and actualization starts by acknowledging your truths and facing your problems head-on.
Hey, so this will be a very personal blog post just to warn everybody! I will try and keep it fun though, even when it gets heavy. We’re just gonna go on a journey through my troubling psyche and meet a couple of fabulous people along the way. Let’s dive in!
Disclaimer: I do not have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). I am not diagnosed, nor am I self-diagnosing. I have yet to consult a mental health professional and having the multiple personalities described in the blog post are yet to be determined as an actual disorder. If you suspect yourself or someone you know to have DID, MPD, or other mental disorders, please reach out to a mental health professional. You may see a list of mental health resources in Positive Lily’s blog.
I Know Who I Are.
At 23 years old, I consider myself to be very self-aware, and this is because of daily journaling and how I’m in a constant state of self-reflection. People tend to say that I live in my own little world. And yes, that is accurate. My head is a planet that floats aimlessly through space, inhabited by people and monsters at war with each other, where dark nights last longer than bright days.
I’m consumed by the relentless string of thoughts in my head. I’m always thinking, thinking, and thinking. I’m thinking too far ahead. I’m thinking about every detail. I’m thinking about what you’re thinking about. I’m thinking about every possible scenario that may play out from every single decision that I make at this moment.
Too much? Yeah. Haha. But even after all of that, I still feel like I’m learning more and more about myself every single day. I’m aware sure, but growth only comes in when you act on that awareness. Will you actually decide to improve yourself once you’ve realize what exactly is wrong? I just don’t think I have the guts to get there yet.
In one of my blog posts, I’ve mentioned how I can be a different person depending on the people I’m with. My personality and demeanor change when I’m around my friends, family, at work, and even online. So you may think you know Christian, but the other versions of Christian that people may know me as is just as real and just as me, even when each alter-ego is totally different from the other.
So this week, I just thought that maybe it would be a great idea for you guys to meet all of them, one by one? I would also like to point out that each alter-ego was actually channeled through the many blogs I’ve written throughout the years. You may also read their works which are linked in this blog post. By now, I guess all of you know how mentally unstable I am and I will be talking to someone soon. Maybe… For now, join me on the crazy, and let’s have fun with it. Hehe.
Meet My 8 Alter Egos, Up-Close and Personal
1. Christian F.
Christian F. is my real name. This is who I am when I work until 5 pm on weekdays. Christian F. I personally think, is a great employee who tries to perform his tasks to the best of his abilities. He’s smart, analytical, and thinks not only about the details, but also the big picture. Nothing will get in the way of him delivering fantastically. He likes to be constantly challenged at work because he likes the pressure and satisfaction in knowing he tested his limits. He’s constantly trying to grow in his career and eventually wants to take on a leadership role. He’s still a long way to go and now, he’s kinda doubting if he can actually handle it.
He’s not perfect at all. He’s not shy exactly, just a bit reserved. He doesn’t share as much about himself. I guess he may seem distant because he’s too serious and professional about work. He finds it hard to relate to most people because his interests are far out of people’s comfort zones. He has good intentions but just has crippling social anxiety.
2. Christian Foremost
Christian Foremost is the one who’s writing this blog right now. He is also the person that shows up when I film a video or get on stage to host or perform. Christian Foremost is me chasing my passions in life and living a purpose greater than himself. He’s the superstar blogger with a small audience who doesn’t really earn from what he does, but that’s okay.
He’s similar to the workforce Christian, but just a bit more chaotic. He’s creative and never runs out of brilliant ideas about the content he’s putting out one week after the other. He’s a writer but might need to work on his spelling and grammar. Nonetheless, he’s proud of his work and will go after every opportunity to show the world what he’s got. He can do absolutely anything. He’s ambitious to a fault because not all of these goals are actually attainable. He’s friendly, quirky, open about everything, and endlessly excited about possibilities that lie ahead.
3. Christian #3
Christian #3 is the manifestation of my mental instability. If you’ve watch my Tiktok, he appears as a surprise guest in my little talk show. It’s completely normal to have a mannequin head ordered from Shopee. The pandemic made me do it. Hahaha. It just sits on my desk while I work all day. Sometimes, I stare at it from afar and act like I’m communicating with him telepathically.
I guess Christian number #3 is the Christian I’m talking to in my head when I’m writing my daily journal entries. Those barely make sense, but I feel like he understands them. It sucks that he doesn’t talk back though. I mean, maybe one of these days he will. Hahaha!.
Michael is who I am at home, around my family and relatives. He’s quiet, awkward, and uncomfortable in every situation. I guess Michael is someone I like the least because I feel like he could do more. He’s just too paralyzed because of the collective trauma from his childhood. He’s gotten used to the way things have always been that it’s almost impossible to change.
Forms(an abbreviated version of my real last name) is the closeted gay kid who only focused on school. He was shy and kept to himself. He’s thankful for the friends that basically adopted him because I believe he was basically useless in every social situation. Like, he did not talk at all! I still cringe when I look back at old memories from school and wish I could have done more. I think Forms is dead now, but he haunts me now and then. Makes me feel like a helpless child again.
Chan is who I am when I’m with my bestest friends. This is the person I like the most, and wish I could be more often. He’s less of a self-promotor than Christian Foremost, and also less out of touch with his feelings like Christian Formoso. He will do anything for his friends who he loves very much. You can expect nothing, but compliments to come out of Chan’s mouth and he’s ready to cheer you on. Also, nobody knows a better time than a Chan invited for drinks/ parties. Invite him over because he will serve as entertainment. Hahaha. So much fun!
7. Mikayla Boss
Mikayla Boss is me when I dress up in drag. I’m a gay man, but it’s comforting to know that I can also be pretty woman. When I put on a dress and a wig, I feel like a completely different person. Mikayla is confident, sexy and dangerous. She’s wild and is out to get your man. She’s surprisingly a great dancer and I wish I could take her out more often. I think there’s more to her, and I can’t wait to continue exploring that. Haha.
8. Christian-Swipe Right
Lastly is Christian-Swipe Right. Hahahaha. This is Christian on dating apps. I feel like this Christian has had the worst luck. Dating and his conquests to find love has dragged him through the mud again and again. He’s gone through so much without even being in a relationship, that I couldn’t even fully describe him anymore. I guess he’s at a point in his life where he’s no longer looking for love because he’s given up on it. There’s no point giving people affection if they do not want it, right? This guy used to be such a flirt and was such a good conversationalist. Yeah… Now, I think that’s all gone. Hahaha.
I just hope that one day this Christian will find someone who finally understands him, and who loves and accepts all 8 versions of him because they are all who he is. Maybe someday, when the world is less cruel…
Well, that’s everyone. What do you think guys? Kind of a lot of personalities just for one person to have, right? Each Christian shows up when needed and others are brought out by anxiety-induced situations. I guess that’s also while I’m having such a hard time with personal growth and trying to figure myself out because there are just so many versions of me. Each of the 8 alter-egos has its own strengths and flaws. They’re high-maintenance and I’m already having a hard time keeping up with all of them. Regardless, I love how each alter-ego of Christian is as real and original as the next.
What was the point?
I guess I’m sharing this because I’m tired of creating more versions of myself. It’s honestly exhausting to try too hard to fit in. One harsh truth that I’ve realized is how what other people say does matter. That’s the reality we live in.
Other people’s opinions have an impact when you’re trying to make it in this world, at work or when you’re building a brand or business. If not enough people support you, your venture will fail. And now, people can quickly sniff off inauthenticity. They can tell when you’re trying too hard to be someone you’re not. They can sense if you’re feeding them a favorable picture of you so there really is no point in faking it.
Just be honest, real, and don’t try too hard. You have to be natural and genuinely you without thinking too much about it. If people like you, and then they do. If they don’t, and then they don’t. People are entitled to their own opinions and there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s just it and that’s completely okay. Don’t be afraid to stand firm on who you are, because the people that stay by your side are truly the people who matter.
What I’m saying is exactly the same advice as people would share when they say, “Just be yourself and don’t listen to what other people say”. What other people say matter sure, but you shouldn’t care about them too much. Learn to pick out only helpful constructive criticism that can help you and drown out the negative noise that was only intended to do you harm.
You shouldn’t change yourself to fit in, be liked, or please other people. Be yourself and live out your own journey towards personal growth. Who knows? You may just meet one, two, or three more versions of yourself along the way. I can’t wait to meet and them, and maybe we all can even have a party. A party in another dimension! See you there…
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