I’m Christian Foremost, a Filipino Blogger/Writer/Podcaster and mental health advocate who writes personal stories of growth, life advice, and refreshing perspectives to inspire you to love yourself. I promote daily journaling as a healthy outlet to express and explore one’s honest thoughts and feelings. The path towards self-discovery and actualization starts by acknowledging your truths and facing your problems head-on.
Hey, so this will be a very personal blog post just to warn everybody! I will try and keep it fun though, even when it gets heavy. We’re just gonna go on a journey through my troubling psyche and meet a couple of fabulous people along the way. Let’s dive in!
Disclaimer: I do not have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). I am not diagnosed, nor am I self-diagnosing. I have yet to consult a mental health professional and having the multiple personalities described in the blog post are yet to be determined as an actual disorder. If you suspect yourself or someone you know to have DID, MPD, or other mental disorders, please reach out to a mental health professional. You may see a list of mental health resources in Positive Lily’s blog.
I Know Who I Are.
At 23 years old, I consider myself to be very self-aware, and this is because of daily journaling and how I’m in a constant state of self-reflection. People tend to say that I live in my own little world. And yes, that is accurate. My head is a planet that floats aimlessly through space, inhabited by people and monsters at war with each other, where dark nights last longer than bright days.
I’m consumed by the relentless string of thoughts in my head. I’m always thinking, thinking, and thinking. I’m thinking too far ahead. I’m thinking about every detail. I’m thinking about what you’re thinking about. I’m thinking about every possible scenario that may play out from every single decision that I make at this moment.
Too much? Yeah. Haha. But even after all of that, I still feel like I’m learning more and more about myself every single day. I’m aware sure, but growth only comes in when you act on that awareness. Will you actually decide to improve yourself once you’ve realize what exactly is wrong? I just don’t think I have the guts to get there yet.
In one of my blog posts, I’ve mentioned how I can be a different person depending on the people I’m with. My personality and demeanor change when I’m around my friends, family, at work, and even online. So you may think you know Christian, but the other versions of Christian that people may know me as is just as real and just as me, even when each alter-ego is totally different from the other.
So this week, I just thought that maybe it would be a great idea for you guys to meet all of them, one by one? I would also like to point out that each alter-ego was actually channeled through the many blogs I’ve written throughout the years. You may also read their works which are linked in this blog post. By now, I guess all of you know how mentally unstable I am and I will be talking to someone soon. Maybe… For now, join me on the crazy, and let’s have fun with it. Hehe.
Meet My 8 Alter Egos, Up-Close and Personal
1. Christian F.
Christian F. is my real name. This is who I am when I work until 5 pm on weekdays. Christian F. I personally think, is a great employee who tries to perform his tasks to the best of his abilities. He’s smart, analytical, and thinks not only about the details, but also the big picture. Nothing will get in the way of him delivering fantastically. He likes to be constantly challenged at work because he likes the pressure and satisfaction in knowing he tested his limits. He’s constantly trying to grow in his career and eventually wants to take on a leadership role. He’s still a long way to go and now, he’s kinda doubting if he can actually handle it.
He’s not perfect at all. He’s not shy exactly, just a bit reserved. He doesn’t share as much about himself. I guess he may seem distant because he’s too serious and professional about work. He finds it hard to relate to most people because his interests are far out of people’s comfort zones. He has good intentions but just has crippling social anxiety.
Read the blogs specifically written by Christian Formoso
2. Christian Foremost
Christian Foremost is the one who’s writing this blog right now. He is also the person that shows up when I film a video or get on stage to host or perform. Christian Foremost is me chasing my passions in life and living a purpose greater than himself. He’s the superstar blogger with a small audience who doesn’t really earn from what he does, but that’s okay.
He’s similar to the workforce Christian, but just a bit more chaotic. He’s creative and never runs out of brilliant ideas about the content he’s putting out one week after the other. He’s a writer but might need to work on his spelling and grammar. Nonetheless, he’s proud of his work and will go after every opportunity to show the world what he’s got. He can do absolutely anything. He’s ambitious to a fault because not all of these goals are actually attainable. He’s friendly, quirky, open about everything, and endlessly excited about possibilities that lie ahead.
Read the blogs specifically written by Christian Foremost
3. Christian #3
Christian #3 is the manifestation of my mental instability. If you’ve watch my Tiktok, he appears as a surprise guest in my little talk show. It’s completely normal to have a mannequin head ordered from Shopee. The pandemic made me do it. Hahaha. It just sits on my desk while I work all day. Sometimes, I stare at it from afar and act like I’m communicating with him telepathically.
I guess Christian number #3 is the Christian I’m talking to in my head when I’m writing my daily journal entries. Those barely make sense, but I feel like he understands them. It sucks that he doesn’t talk back though. I mean, maybe one of these days he will. Hahaha!.
Read the blogs specifically written by Christian #3
4. Michael
Michael is who I am at home, around my family and relatives. He’s quiet, awkward, and uncomfortable in every situation. I guess Michael is someone I like the least because I feel like he could do more. He’s just too paralyzed because of the collective trauma from his childhood. He’s gotten used to the way things have always been that it’s almost impossible to change.
Read the blogs specifically written by Michael
5. Formoso/Forms
Forms(an abbreviated version of my real last name) is the closeted gay kid who only focused on school. He was shy and kept to himself. He’s thankful for the friends that basically adopted him because I believe he was basically useless in every social situation. Like, he did not talk at all! I still cringe when I look back at old memories from school and wish I could have done more. I think Forms is dead now, but he haunts me now and then. Makes me feel like a helpless child again.
Read the blogs specifically written by Forms
6. Chan
Chan is who I am when I’m with my bestest friends. This is the person I like the most, and wish I could be more often. He’s less of a self-promotor than Christian Foremost, and also less out of touch with his feelings like Christian Formoso. He will do anything for his friends who he loves very much. You can expect nothing, but compliments to come out of Chan’s mouth and he’s ready to cheer you on. Also, nobody knows a better time than a Chan invited for drinks/ parties. Invite him over because he will serve as entertainment. Hahaha. So much fun!
Read the blogs specifically written by Chan
7. Mikayla Boss
Mikayla Boss is me when I dress up in drag. I’m a gay man, but it’s comforting to know that I can also be pretty woman. When I put on a dress and a wig, I feel like a completely different person. Mikayla is confident, sexy and dangerous. She’s wild and is out to get your man. She’s surprisingly a great dancer and I wish I could take her out more often. I think there’s more to her, and I can’t wait to continue exploring that. Haha.
Read the blogs specifically written by Mikayla Boss
8. Christian-Swipe Right
Lastly is Christian-Swipe Right. Hahahaha. This is Christian on dating apps. I feel like this Christian has had the worst luck. Dating and his conquests to find love has dragged him through the mud again and again. He’s gone through so much without even being in a relationship, that I couldn’t even fully describe him anymore. I guess he’s at a point in his life where he’s no longer looking for love because he’s given up on it. There’s no point giving people affection if they do not want it, right? This guy used to be such a flirt and was such a good conversationalist. Yeah… Now, I think that’s all gone. Hahaha.
I just hope that one day this Christian will find someone who finally understands him, and who loves and accepts all 8 versions of him because they are all who he is. Maybe someday, when the world is less cruel…
Read the blogs specifically written by Christian-Swipe Right
Well, that’s everyone. What do you think guys? Kind of a lot of personalities just for one person to have, right? Each Christian shows up when needed and others are brought out by anxiety-induced situations. I guess that’s also while I’m having such a hard time with personal growth and trying to figure myself out because there are just so many versions of me. Each of the 8 alter-egos has its own strengths and flaws. They’re high-maintenance and I’m already having a hard time keeping up with all of them. Regardless, I love how each alter-ego of Christian is as real and original as the next.
What was the point?
I guess I’m sharing this because I’m tired of creating more versions of myself. It’s honestly exhausting to try too hard to fit in. One harsh truth that I’ve realized is how what other people say does matter. That’s the reality we live in.
Other people’s opinions have an impact when you’re trying to make it in this world, at work or when you’re building a brand or business. If not enough people support you, your venture will fail. And now, people can quickly sniff off inauthenticity. They can tell when you’re trying too hard to be someone you’re not. They can sense if you’re feeding them a favorable picture of you so there really is no point in faking it.
Just be honest, real, and don’t try too hard. You have to be natural and genuinely you without thinking too much about it. If people like you, and then they do. If they don’t, and then they don’t. People are entitled to their own opinions and there’s nothing we can do about it. That’s just it and that’s completely okay. Don’t be afraid to stand firm on who you are, because the people that stay by your side are truly the people who matter.
What I’m saying is exactly the same advice as people would share when they say, “Just be yourself and don’t listen to what other people say”. What other people say matter sure, but you shouldn’t care about them too much. Learn to pick out only helpful constructive criticism that can help you and drown out the negative noise that was only intended to do you harm.
You shouldn’t change yourself to fit in, be liked, or please other people. Be yourself and live out your own journey towards personal growth. Who knows? You may just meet one, two, or three more versions of yourself along the way. I can’t wait to meet and them, and maybe we all can even have a party. A party in another dimension! See you there…
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I think we mostly have two or more versions of ourselves. That used to be quite true for more, I guess. But as you begin to figure out your true self, you rest on a “persona” that fits well. One that ultimately marries all the different versions of yourself into just ONE PERSON.
I love your Christan #3! It’s so fun and funny! I was wondering how did you that?
Btw, I love the things you wrote in this article, honestly, I have that kind of personality too that ‘living in my own world’.
I can relate to some of the things you wrote about. I love “living in my own world.” I don’t know if I have 8 personalities, but I think I have a few for sure. I think most people do. We act differently at work, with our families, with our friends. It is somewhat normal. Also, depending on our ages or stage in life, we are still trying to figure out who we are, what do we really want, what makes us happy. Some people never figure that out. So it is good that you are exploring and (hopefully) enjoying all aspects until you find the right combination that works for you. Remember, your happiness must be the most important thing in your life. If you are not happy you can not be a great friend, child, partner, parent, employee, boss, neighbor, etc.
Fun post. I think we could all say this — maybe not 8 different personalities but more than one. We all have different facets of our personality that show up in different scenarios. Thank you for sharing yours.
This was such a fun read! I guess we all have multiple personalities depending on the role that we are playing and the people that we have around. I am a different person as a child, as a sibling, as a friend, as a coworker, as girlfriend, as a date, and as a stranger. Haha!
Sabi nga ni Kris (when people doubted Bimby’s sexual identity/orientation), we are in the 20th century, so accepted na sa society ang lahat. BTW, Napaka brave mo Mars!! lol
Do the things that make you happy. Sabi nga ni Kris, we are in the 20th century, so accepted na sa society ang lahat. Napaka brave mo Mars!! lol
i simply loved reading and getting to know a bit about Christian. it was indeed a pretty open-hearted post that you wrote and I admire you for that
Thank you for sharing your life with us all. This is brave and free. I am excited to read more.
So brave of you to share! I had no idea.
With my parents, I’m mostly Elizabeth Bennet-ish. With my former coworkers, I was Pamela De Beaufort (IKR? haha). With friends, Chandler Bing. We tend to act differently and you’re right, it depends on who we are with but I don’t think it’s a bad thing as it helps us discover ourselves through others.
PS: Ang HOT ni Mikayla Boss!
yeah meron ngang mga tao na maraming personality. minsan kasi iba ibang self talaga natin yung nailalabas natin depende sa tao na kasama natin.
pero miss ko na si Mikayla ilabas mo na yan sya ghorl!
Agree that we exhibit different personas in different companies or settings. I just realized that when I read your post, that I wear different hats depending on who I am with. Your personality is I think a mix of serious, fun, adventurous and laid-back. And yeah, we all have our strengths and flaws in those, but the imperfections make us all unique as God’s masterpieces.
What is important is we accept ourselves for who we are regardless of what we can do or incapable. It takes good, real friends to also embrace that true personality of ours. 🙂
Nice read and it was nice finally get to know you even more!!! I actually like the personality of Christian Formoso!!! We almost have the same traits also Christian Foremost because of the blogger thing. 🙂
AAAH THIS IS SUPER RELATABLE! Indeed, it’s very difficult to fit in but as I get older, I have realized how stressful it is. But now I’m counting my alter egos as well. I think I have 5. My personalities are fighting pa for that one alter ego if she’s part of them LOL HAHAHA
Most creative persons I know got multiple personalities and that’s okay. It is your persona and its no one else must judge you for that. I your personalities are all awesome!
I love how you expresses yourself in different scenarios, being confident, vocal, and sociable.. Cheers to your 8 different personalities.. Sending love and hugssss.. <3
I’ve never related to a post in my LIFE. The part where you mentioned that you were a different person depending on who you’re with… I’d add that it also depends on how my brain feels like (if that makes sense) and where I am. I relate to you and this post on so many levels as well. I have trouble figuring out at times who I currently am at the moment, and even when I’m doing something, I sometimes stop suddenly and it feels like my mind resets? I really don’t know, haha! It was comforting to read that someone out there is also “tired of creating versions” of themselves to fit in. 🙂 Sending hugs your way! (Will your other alters be writing a guest post soon?!)
I can relate to many points! It is also great to get to know ourselves more than thinking of fact how others can see us. Identifying our personalities could be a great way to evaluate ourselves, too.
Hi Christian,
This was really an interesting read. Sometimes I wonder whether I do have multiple personalities or alter egos, cause as you mentioned they are all personality of their own in different circumstances. I am a thinker like you, but I wish I could be a little more self-aware in a positive sense. Most times, I let my negative thoughts consume me which is why I don’t enjoy dwelling on them so much. But I like the idea of getting to yourself better. I will check out your blog about how journaling has led you to self-discovery. Hopefully, I could find something that would really help me out in my journey of self-awareness/ self-discovery.