My first article published in THOUGHT CATALOG.
Wasn’t I More Than a Match to You?
You might not consider someone you’ve met on a dating app to be a real person, but I am. I am more than just a profile, an icon, a series of chat bubbles or a notification on your phone you now choose to ignore.
I was a person you used to be so eager to get to know. You wanted to learn everything about me and I was happy to answer all your questions. It was fascinating how we shared so many things in common. Hours and hours of talking and I still couldn’t get enough of knowing you. Anything mundane was suddenly interesting if it came from you.
There was never any judgement between us, just wonder and excitement. You opened up about things you could never share even to the people closest to you because they would never understand, but I did. Your stories were familiar and I recognized bits of myself in your childhood dreams, high-school struggles and adulthood frustrations. I felt so alone in the world until I found you. And you were always going to be with me, every time I opened up my phone.
We had a connection that I thought was stronger than wifi or mobile data. We were a perfect match! I was certain we shared something, like a secret the whole world will never know. Now that you found me, it was going to be us against the world!
I held on to the promises you made of us meeting in the real world, finally face to face. How would that happen though when you turned me down every chance I asked?
I felt it, you know? You were growing distant the longer it took you to reply to my messages. The shorter your sentences were, the less interested you were growing.
That didn’t mean anything I convinced myself. l shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Maybe your life made you too busy or mine was just so boring that I didn’t have anything else to do but miss you.
You didn’t talk to me anymore and I had only the loud thoughts in my head to keep me company. What happened? What changed? Why did you change and why was I still like this? You were probably talking to somebody else. Somebody new, right? Did any of the things you said ever mean anything? Was I the only one who felt something? Was there anything more I could do to save this, to bring back what we had?
I used to be a person who was excited about the future. But the longer I stayed hoping for one with you, the more often I found myself feeling numb. I guess I tried to push my feelings down, because I didn’t want to face the truth that our time was up. Maybe, my mind got ahead of me again and yours just completely forgot about us. Was I so foolish to think you’d be different?
You were already done with me. You did not think I deserved to be treated like the person that I was. I was more than a picture you swiped right on one lazy afternoon. I was more than a free therapy session or a quick fantasy to get away from your real life. You made me feel disposable to be tossed aside the second you were done using me. Was it my fault for trusting you so easily?
That was it then. I give up. You were already gone and I was once again, alone. I had a lot more to say, but nothing more I could do. The silence sounds more peaceful now that I am no longer waiting for you. Wasn’t that just a waste of my time…
Let’s just leave it as this then, with me at “seen” and you with the rest of your life. Have a good one, jerk.
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Online dating app is a risk but it will teach you many lessons. This might not be successful, but what matters is you were not afraid to take a risk and you know that he’s not worth your time and affection. I do hope you don’t feel less because jerks like that doesn’t deserve someone like you who’s ready to love genuine.
Is this you? Medyo masaket ah. If it’s you, I hope you are good now. As you put it, he’s a jerk. Not worth anyone’s time.
These are the common endings in online dating. The cycle starts with increasing interest to know on who is on the other side of the screen. Understanding on how relationships starts the usual way, this lacks depth and meaning.
Dawn Lyndelle Fernando Paragas
I’ve never used a dating app but with your words I felt the rejection and despair. “The silence sounds more peaceful now that I am no longer waiting for you.” – that line pierces through. I’ve experienced “waiting for someone”, too. In the end, nothing happened and it took me a while to get over everything. I learned so much after though. I learned to accept things and find peace despite not getting what I wanted.
That’s so heartbreaking but as they always say “we cannot please everybody”. And maybe you failed today but one day you’ll find someone who’ll accept you for who you are.
ouch ang sakit. but dont lose hope. im sure there is someone out there. dating app or not. i gained some of my bestfriends, bestfriends for the last 17 years (who even lives in other countries) online. one of the best i ever had. well friends lang kasi sakin, pero what i mean, meron parin tayong tao na matatrust, at mamahalin at irereciprocate na tunay. alamo yun madaming manloloko din online, even as friends.
I was in many dating apps before I met my true love (also from dating app!). It is indeed tricky, but in my case it is more convenient looking for match from friends’ recommendation, lol. At first, I don’t share too much emotion, I let them share first, and pick the one who will get a cgood connection, but never expect a thing.
Congratulations on your first Thought Catalog post! Natry ko na before yung mga dating apps pero never pa ko nakipagkita sa mga nakausap ko. Kung story mo man yan, sana maging ok ka na… ang mga ganyan klaseng tao di na dapat pag aksayahan ng oras.
I have nothing against dating apps. But I do believe its really risky to enter. Anyway, Dont worry about it. They will have their time. Just continue to be genuine and kind. Thanks for sharing this with us
Ang sakit naman. Inaano kita kuya? Nag momove on na nga ee. Hahahaha! Ang ganda swear! Ang dami kong naalala. Grabe ka! 😂😂😂
hugot article but I love how well you wrote it, with so much emotions invested on it… regardless whether this story is yours or not, true or not. keep on writing.
It’s really hard to find someone “real” in dating apps especially since it’s easy to pretend something we’re not… same with pretending we’re interested, when in fact we’re actually not. Kudos to your piece of article! I enjoyed reading it! 🙂
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