It’s weird but it’s like the first time I’ve discovered the wonders of sleep. I do a lot of that lately. Sleeping. Every time I’m awake, it’s like my body just wants to go back to sleep again. My body clock is messed up for sure, but I think that hardly really matters, especially during weekends.
My dreams have also been more interesting lately, very detailed. I ignore my alarms in the morning and keep my eyes closed extra longer just to keep the dream going. I could never remember it anymore though when I’m forced to open my eyes and get up from bed.
It’s another day and I’m not exactly sure which day of the week it is anymore. They blur together. All I know is, this still isn’t over.
I submerge myself in other worlds, taking my mind as far away from this one through virtual escapes. I watch series for hours until my eyes get tired and my heads painfully aches. Then, it’s time for another nap.
Sometimes, I just stare at the ceiling and think about nothing. When you embrace uncertainty, there doesn’t seem to be a lot your mind can go off on. I’ve let go of figuring things out because by this point, I’ve accepted that there’s nothing I can do.
I also play with my shadow, making movements with my fingers. The shadow is my friend. He’s funny, always copying my every move. It would be nice if my friend would talk to me. I would ask his day and I would tell him about mine. Nothing much happened, but you can stretch hours talking about nothing with someone who’s interested. Who am I kidding? My shadow doesn’t talk.
I’ve ran out of stories to tell and things to convince myself with. The plans I had for the future that kept me going are still there. I just can’t see them right now. I hardly think there’s any reason to keep pressuring myself to do anything, don’t you agree?
I don’t get inspired or motivated anymore. I just feel tired, tired of everything, of every waking moment. Don’t worry, I’m alright. I think this is what okay feels like. I’m not giving up. I’m not lost or confused. I’m actually calm, knowing that there’s nothing to do. And, we can allow ourselves to waste some time.
It would be nice if we could just sleep until all of this is over. We’d wake up from what was like a dream we’ll soon forget. We’ll get up and continue to take on the life we had with renewed energy, enthusiasm and passion.
But for now,
I have nothing else to say because I am honestly fine.
Disclaimer: The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition.
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Soon, this will be over. In the meantime, you’re right doing nothing is alright. But you may wangt to push yourself a little bit to do something. Hang in there.
Like · Reply · 2w
Ryan Carl Dela Cruz
i love people who actually still write journals, so classic and personal. WE all hope this will be over soon! Kapit lang tayo, in the meantime, more time to blog and catch up on deliverables!
Being confined in a limited space is really stressing and this ECQ takes toll on us in different aspects. We are experiencing the pandemic in different views and have different coping mechanisms, and there are these life coaches “kuno” who would gaslight us to push productivity. Hope they should understand the individuality of lockeddown residents.
I’m an introvert and this whole situation stresses the wits out of me… not so much of the isolation/quarantine but the disruption of my ‘normal’ So, I get you. Totally. But here’s the thing, we’re all transforming. None of us will emerge from this the same as we went into it. Of all the crazy things we could do, we shouldn’t forget to be kind to ourselves and take things one day, hour, minute at a time. You got this, bruh!
Dawn Lyndelle Fernando Paragas
“It would be nice if we could just sleep until all of this is over. ” Same here. I’m so ready for this to be over. I like reading your article. It doesn’t make me feel like I’m the only one who feels this way. But yes, we are okay. That’s what matters. Sending virtual hugs! ❤
Wahh nakakatakot if magsalita yung shadow mo! 😱😂😅 but on a serious note, i’m glad you’re okay! Just hang in there. I think normal naman lahat ng emotions mo 🙏🏻 Although not everyone is as fortunate as some of us – kaya always be grateful that you can sleep all day and catch series ❤️
You should consider yourself still lucky since you are safe in your own home with something to eat while others are suffering. So yeah, doing nothing is alright 🙂 Your shadow friends would be happy 🙂
This is what I’m lacking. I wanted to sleep all day, stare at the ceiling and do anything. I envy you that you can ignore your alarm and just go back to sleep.
But everything will gets back to normal so don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
Naalala ko tuloy nung bata ako yung sa Playing with shadow, madalas namin gawin ito kapag brown-out sa probinsiya. Sana maging normal na ang lahat!
its okay. if you are not doing anything productive. well on my part ha, kasi i think parang ano, i needed this down time. i totally didnt move for the 3 weeks literal na netflix and chill (shempre aside sa pag bantay sa son ko and home chores) pero yung mga work, backlogs, talagang wala. 4th week na ng ecq nun nagsimula ako gumalaw. and mas naging masipag ako. siguro kasi nakapagpahinga din ng mahaba. much needed talaga. dont worry matatapos din to..
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Categories: MENTAL HEALTH