2022 Hurt, but It Made Me Stronger – Year-End Review

It’s the end of 2022, and I find myself sitting in a coffee shop realizing how far I’ve come. At this moment, I am living the life that I always pictured would make me happy. I live independently in a cute studio apartment with the one I love most in the world—my baby, my kitty, Eevee. I’m continuing to grow in my company around the best people anyone could ask for. My blog, podcast, and TikTok have a consistent audience with more creative potential to grow. More than the many achievements throughout this year alone, what I’m most proud of are the people I met, the experiences we shared, and the things we were able to accomplish together. The year is finally coming to a close and I guess I feel a bit uneasy. More change is on the horizon and as I move forward and get closer to it, I grow scared of the things I’d have to let go of. 

The virus finally caught us

The beginning of 2022 was a punch in the face for my family and me. We were greeted with the news that a family member got COVID-19 before the clock struck 12 signaling the start of a brand new year. We could hear fireworks outside, but instead of rejoicing for the new year, we were getting paranoid inside the house knowing we’ll be experiencing the symptoms soon. I think a lot of Filipinos had COVID in January 2022 despite having been fully vaccinated. After 2 years of trying to avoid the virus by being super cautious, finally catching it felt like a lost battle. Thanks to the vaccine though, our family didn’t experience severe symptoms aside from a fever, cough, and sore throat. We just had to quarantine and take a break from work. There was no use placing blame and it was out of our control. We had nothing to do, but wait. I think I chose to surrender and just take advantage of that time. It was the first time I finally got to rest because the only thing we needed to do was recover and pass the time.

The world opening-up

The social distancing restrictions were slowly being lifted and we were starting to enjoy the outside world again. I finally got to resume my regular visits to coffee shops to get enough inspiration to write. I got to meet with my friends and catch up and bond through my favorite social activity—drinking. I’m more fun with alcohol in my system and I guess I missed embarrassing myself or another term for it would be “entertainment”. 

I got braces!

This was also the year I decided to get braces as part of my efforts to finally become a perfect human being. One minute I was asking for the price of the package and then the next, 4 of my premolars were being extracted. I left the dentist with bleeding gums and wires on my teeth. As more months passed by with braces, I just realized that pain has several sensations. It’s like your teeth are in constant torture and you’ve forever lost the ability to eat nuts. You develop the urge to brush every couple of hours and learn to show a brand-new smile. I’ve noticed how much money I’ve spent on my teeth alone and let’s just hope that it will all be worth it in a couple of years.

@christianforemost

Uhm, i was looking for things to do. Haha #heynowheynow

♬ BRENT MORGAN What Dreams Are Made Of – Brent Morgan

One Pink Fight

Fighting for something you believe in and being a part of a movement for change. It was a fight we lost, but who I voted for was still a decision I hold onto until this day. The pink rallies all over the country and the tremendous showcase of volunteerism by the Filipino people is something that was out of this world. I sometimes daydream of an alternate reality where Leni Robredo won as president and there were good people in our government. The Filipino people deserve so much better than the rampant corruption and injustice prevailing all around us today. Our country and the whole world are being faced with so many challenges from global warming, to the economic crisis, to the threat of war and exploitation. Whoever sits in government positions, especially the highest one should be competent, and reliable, and demonstrate their selfless service to the people.

Hurting In Progress

From thinking positively and manifesting for a better tomorrow, I turned a full 180 degrees. I was angry, frustrated, and hurt. Aside from the disappointing results of the elections this year, I also had to face rejection from a guy I really liked. I know those two things are not of equal weight, but both of these experiences changed me. I finally woke up and realized that the world inside my head was different from the world that I was physically living in. People had their own thoughts that guide the decision they made. My mistake was wishful thinking or allowing my mind to wander years into the future with nothing but an outlook that things will be okay.

I was so in love with this idea of a perfect future that I wanted for us, that I didn’t even consider that I was the only one who wanted it. I let my mind put more meaning into words that just meant what they said. I fell for simple acts of kindness because that form of treatment was not something I was used to. I wanted to believe that someone could love me and surely they would if I showed them how amazing I was. Knowing that my hopes were nothing but delusions and accepting the fact that I was the only one hurting myself, I was frantic to get out of the hole I was digging myself into.

So many good things were happening in my life like how I got promoted in my job, but I couldn’t be happy because of the feelings I was pushing back. Maybe the most important lesson from the whole experience was to not try and fix myself just because I understand why things turned out the way they did. With love comes a whole range of emotions like longing, jealousy, sadness, anger, and hate. Instead of suppressing these feelings by rationalizing my thoughts and accepting the situation, I learned the hard way that I needed to let them out. That’s why I stopped writing for a bit and finally took the time to feel my emotions because it was part of the process.

I’m currently in my Taylor Swift Reputation era. I’m stronger than ever, but I’m filled with so much anger. I don’t think that’s a bad thing though. I’m ready to seek vengeance, live the best life I could, and achieve my goals. I hold no apologies for my actions and have more courage to fight for what I think is right. 

Freedom, Independence, and Siargao

I went back to Siargao again this year. It was a whole other experience because I was booked for 2 weeks and I also spent the first week on my own. It was something I was looking forward to after the pandemic. I wanted to experience what it was like to live on the island on my own, to get a taste of independence and freedom. I didn’t visit tourist destinations anymore. It was more of a soul-searching trip where my real focus was just to finally start writing my book. I think I spent more time on my motorcycle speeding through the streets of Siargao than on the beach. Like, I only surfed once and I didn’t even get to party that much or meet new people. It was a solo trip where I wanted to heal and see if the independence and freedom I’ve always longed for would be the answer I was looking for.

Growth and Moving out

2 weeks of living alone and having my own place in Siargao solidified my decision that I wanted to move out of my parent’s house. It was a goal I always wanted to pursue, but I always felt discouraged because of what other people around me said. I am a person in constant search of growth and I wanted to go after everything I want out of this life. The shared room that I had in our small house was not enough space for me to flourish. I was uninspired, stuck, and suffocated. I felt like the things that I was doing to improve myself and achieve my dreams were an inconvenience to my family. Here I was recording podcast episodes, editing my blogs, talking to my therapist, and leading big meetings at work, but they wanted the room to sleep. The longer I stayed, the more I felt like things would never change and there wasn’t a future I could look forward to.

It was hard finding a house like you’d realize that you can’t have the perfect place and there are comprises that you have to make. I guess I was just lucky to find someone randomly that helped make the process super simple. Moving out was the right decision and it was at the right time because it felt so easy. Everything just fell right into place. Just 1 month after my Siargao trip, I already found a place. 2 weeks later, I moved in. Less than 1 month into my new house, I was all set up with complete furniture and appliances I could possibly need to live comfortably. 

@christianforemost

Plus may roofdeck din pala to with a nice view. There are some issues, but no place is perfect naman. Been loving solo living so far. Sana di magutom. Haha

♬ original sound – Christian Foremost – Christian Foremost

A lot of people ask if I feel lonely being by myself in my new home, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way. I’ve always been an introvert and I think that I felt lonelier when I was surrounded by too many people than now that I have my own space. Somehow, I finally had my own tiny world away from everyone where I could process the enormous thoughts and feelings I had and see what more I could do with them. Finally, I had control of my life and I wanted to take full charge.

Back to Podcasting

What do I do alone in my house? Well aside from working from home, I also use my time outside of work to do more work. I use my off hours to work out and then record and edit my podcast episode. I had a hiatus for such a long time, that I knew I had a lot to make up for now that I finally had my own place.

Podcasting brought so much fulfillment into my life, more than I had with blogging. I get to talk to all kinds of people about fun and deep topics that I am actually interested in. I feel like for every podcast interview, I’m learning something new not just from life but about myself and how I should see the world. The guests I had on are now good friends of mine. From all the interviews I conducted, I’m realizing how uniquely different people are. We all want different things out of life and see the world in a different ways. Maybe you don’t 100% agree with what a person is saying, but you should still let them speak. This life is yours. As long as you know what you want out of life, you can take charge and be the best version of yourself you can be.

Podcasting is an exhausting line of work, especially with the number of things that goes on behind it. I hope that I could keep putting out episodes and that more people will actually listen to them. The messages in my podcast episodes speak volumes, I just hope that everyone’s speakers aren’t on mute for the truth. (that rhymed, I’m keeping it in haha)

Adopting a cat is like watching endless cat videos

I finally knew what love was and it came in the form of whiskers and soft tabby fur. I always wanted a cat and I think you guys are noticing that I always make it a point to get what I want. I finally can show my love to someone who can’t leave. I mean he doesn’t have a choice but to accept my soft kisses and warm cuddles. Although it’s been hard raising a kitty and it did take a toll on my unfortunate financial situation, I wouldn’t change a thing. One look at my baby melts all my stress and worries away. I legit feel like he’s my child and I for sure will not love another human being as much as I love him. He’s only 4 months right now and he’s still chasing after me, wanting to bite my hands and feet. I really hope he can grow healthy and live for as long as I’m alive. Thank you again to my sister and my cousin for literally giving me all the cat stuff that I need from the get-go.

The struggle doesn’t end even if you get what you want.

I’m exactly where I want to be in life, but the price of staying here is steep. I put myself in a high-pressure situation and I have to admit that I haven’t exactly figured it out financially. Sometimes, I lay awake at night feeling the dread of an overwhelming future. We live in a society where you have to pay to live and there is a risk to everything. I sometimes feel like even if I’m doing so many things and I never stop working, it’s still isn’t enough to achieve the financial freedom that I want not only for myself but for my family.

I keep trying to be everything that I never fully developed into this one complete thing. I hope that I could sum everything up or just focus on the things that I’m genuinely passionate about or those that can actually make money from. I have a ton of ambitious goals in life and sure I want to achieve all of those, but maybe I don’t have to do everything now. There’s a timeline and maybe I’ll still get to achieve everything that I want out, but it’s just one after the other. I’m exhausted and my mind is in different places. I wish to be more present in the moment, appreciate the now, and be grateful for the people that are still in my life.

Onward cause we don’t have a choice

Time only moves forward, and I’m afraid of the inevitability of certain things ending. You don’t fully appreciate something until it’s gone. As much as I want to hold on, I have to accept that the only choice I have is to move onward with time.

Thank you for your time reading this blog and I hope that you are living your present moment. I don’t know what’s coming for the new year. For sure there are more struggles and trials to come. I’ve achieved a lot of things this year sure, but complacency is not a word that exists in my vocabulary. I hope we could all persevere through whatever life has in store for us next year and get loads of money at the same time.

When I visited Baguio late this year, I happen to see a tarot card reader along Session Road. I took advantage of the opportunity and asked about what the future had in store. Good things were coming the tarot card reader said, but of course, I won’t rely on that alone. I am claiming good fortune and I will do whatever it takes to make it happen.

@christianforemost

Manifesting this tarot card reading from @FreyaGaiaLove . ?? Sana naman po magka-totoo kahit na medj hirap na hirap us these days. ?? Haha

♬ original sound – Christian Foremost – Christian Foremost

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. 2023. GIVE IT TO ME. Hahaha.

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