Christian’s entire life since he came out of the closet can be found online. For years, Christian freely wrote his inner thoughts and feelings in his blog. He talked to different kinds of people and shared his opinions on his podcast. He created lifestyle videos featuring his travels, life journeys, workouts, events, and latest online shopping discoveries. Raw and authentic with a hint of humor, Christian’s genuine excitement to try out new things fueled his desire to continue telling his story on every online platform.
Nothing is meant to last forever, and like all things, I was still grateful for that period of time.
Slow and Boring Year
2025 for me was slow. I followed the same routine every day, to the point that I grew bored with it.
I am woken by my second child, Togepi, asking for his breakfast, and then I start the day with my daily journaling and morning meditation. I’d have my breakfast and coffee, and then try my hardest to find every will and power to get to work. After work, I’d take a quick nap before heading to the gym late at night to avoid the peak hours. On weekends, I’d go running, spend time at a coffee shop reading, writing, studying, or editing a blog or podcast, or attending to household errands. Each week went by monotonously, and I longed for some excitement that hardly came.
It was a year where it felt like nothing was happening since there wasn’t much external change in my daily environment. I stayed where I lived. I reached 5 years working for the same company. I kept doing the same workouts: push, pull, legs, plus two days of cardio. I spent most of the time alone, and I thought I liked it that way.
Progress in slow, consistent increments
We may not notice it, but consistency over a period of time shows tremendous results. I look around my life and feel proud and grateful for what I have.
Comparing the start of the year and now, the change is apparent. I may have stayed in the same place, but I have improved internally. My body is the best it has ever looked. I’ve sharpened my communication skills and can talk to practically anyone. I dress better and can carry myself more confidently. I feel more secure in myself, regardless of what other people think.
I’m in a good place, to be honest. But a good and peaceful place can get quite lonely.
Making New Connections
Just because I share my entire life on the internet doesn’t mean people will care. 99% of the time, they don’t. As much as I post, I don’t actually get much engagement from my social media posts anymore. My phone is as silent as a closeted gay kid in the early 2000’s.
This year, I tried to open myself up to people in the outside world and make new connections with real people. I craved companionship, and not necessarily the romantic kind. As simple as it was, I missed the physical presence of a human being. No purpose, no agenda-just passing the time, appreciating the little things.
I have a lot of good friends, but they aren’t always interested in what I’m into, and that’s okay. I took the courage go out and explore on my own. There are friends in those places you can meet who will enjoy what you’re passionate about. I’ve exposed myself more to the Filipino LGBTQIA+ community, and it’s so freeing to know people with the same experiences who share your interests and curiosities. Each door you enter is a whole world that you can explore with friends you can make.
Love and all that B.S.
I have not fallen in love at all this year. Even if there were some men that I dated, there wasn’t anyone worth falling in love with. That’s a bit harsh, and maybe there’s a bit of anger and annoyance there. Maybe it’s them or me. I keep my guards up to the point that I immediately grow cold upon the first detection of a red flag or incompatibility. I’ve mastered the art of detachment in dating to the point that nothing sticks.
The thing with the dating culture now is that since new people are always accessible, they don’t bother with commitments or actually taking the time to get to know each other. Fake relationships have been the norm where you guys act like you’re together, but then one person ends up getting ghosted on a random day.
As of the moment, I try not to entertain B.S. anymore. I no longer have the tolerance for love-bombing, false promises, bread-crumbing, orbiting, disappointments, and senseless fun. The walls I’ve built around myself are sky-high to the point that they are impenetrable.
Now, reciprocity is the main thing that matters to me. Anything less is not worthwhile. I know the value I can bring to a relationship, and if the person does not match the effort and consistency, time will not be wasted on them.
I want a deep connection with someone who’s on the same page and would want to share life experiences. We’d talk about the past, present, and future — getting to know everything about each other and who’d we like to become. A supportive partner who completely understands you and helps you become a better person despite your imperfections.
Impulsiveness and the Consequences of Not Thinking It Through
Because of my constant desire to seek excitement, I can be a bit impulsive with my decisions. I order online because the thought of waiting for a delivery excites me. I make big purchases like a phone because it will allow me to make better content. I book flights because of the opportunity for adventure. I took out a loan for a motorcycle because it’s dreadful to not have a ride home during rush hours. My purchase decisions made perfect sense at those times, but in the long term, I’m foreseeing them biting me in the ass.
You accumulate debt if you say yes now, but pay in the next couple of months. Having liability is fine as long as it’s manageable. But if you keep thinking that you can just take out another loan, your debt will blow up to the point that you can no longer pay it in full every month.
Now, I want to slow down and think about my choices longer. Maybe it’s not worth going on that trip if you’d spend money you don’t have. Maybe you don’t buy that new motorcycle right now since your annual salary increase was laughable (I did buy a new motorcycle tho). Saying no is just as powerful, even if at the end of the day, it means you stay at home and sleep with no one but the same boring life.
Stuck, and Can’t See What’s Next
This year has been humbling for me. I realize that because I spend so much time alone, not really doing anything, I’m not growing or learning as much. I’m not being challenged and inspired to be better.
I hate the feeling of being stuck and thinking that maybe this is all there is. Everything is comfortable, but I need to see a future where things can change for the better. Complacency for a goal-getter like me is a slow death.
I have to put myself in places where I’m surrounded by people to compete against. I have to be in a new environment that pushes me to prove what I’m capable of.
Balance above all things
The biggest lesson for me this year is balance. We, humans, are meant to exist walking on a tight rope and keeping our equilibrium. It’s never always one or the other.
Yes, it’s good to stay at home, but we have to go out of the house once in a while. Yes, it’s good to work out and keep moving, but we also need our days to recover. We have to be challenged, but at the same time be comfortable. We have to be hurt, but at the same time be strong. We have to be kind, but know when it’s time to fight back. We have to prioritize ourselves, but also be there for other people.
Good and bad, we have to know how to adjust based on the things that life throws at us. It’s a constant push and pull of energies, and we have to keep one foot after the other. Keep moving forward, but remember to stop and breathe in between.
Patience and Accepting Delays
They say to trust the process and be confident in knowing that you’re exactly where you need to be. You can’t rush through each step just because you’re antsy. Maybe you need to wait for one thing to happen before the doors will open for you. You will not miss what’s meant for you. Everything will happen at the perfect time.
I guess I need to work on my patience. I must accept delays and accept that things take time. I need to quiet down my anxieties and overthinking and, once again let go of the things that are out of my control.
It’s important to acknowledge that the life we live now was once a dream we had as children. I did not grow up with generational wealth. My family struggled putting 4 children through schooling and barely got by, but I was still very much privileged and blessed. The comfort I am enjoying now was earned from the years of hard work and making the most of the opportunities that came my way.
As long as you do have goals, a direction you’re working towards, and you’re learning from your experiences, you’re making progress. For now, I trust that everything is happening for a reason and roll with the punches as they come.
2026, here’s to another year!
For 2026, I’m setting myself up for a new year where I’m going to challenge myself to become a more improved version. I want to be in a new environment where I have the capability to do everything that I want to do in life and share it with the people who matter to me. I want to make smarter choices in my life that have more long-lasting benefits. I want to get out of feeling stuck and take calculated risks. I want to take all of the lessons that I got from the years and live an exciting life that I may not put as much on the internet.
I’ll try to be more mysterious, but I’ll share bits and pieces. If you want to get to know me, you have to put the effort in. Life is a bit unpredictable, and maybe that’s what I’m counting on now. I’m going to live as the person I desire to be and have a greater sense of purpose because I do know that I’m capable.
I’ve killed many parts of myself, and that’s just a part of getting older. This new person is someone you’d be lucky to get to know. It has been a pleasure sharing my life with you.
Maybe you’ll see me again, or as someone entirely new.
First published in Medium: https://medium.com/@foremostchristian/2025-year-end-review-death-and-rebirth-e50d58544913
