2024 Year-End Review: Glow-Up Achieved, but Work Continues

Despite all the struggles, and disappointments, I’m thankful first of all. I look around my life now and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and pride because I’m exactly where I envisioned myself to be. The victories and losses, the pleasure and pain, and the choices I’ve made: good and bad brought me HERE. It got me to this realization that right now is pretty great.

Hi Everyone. This is the only blog I’ve written for the entire year. I’m so sorry. My blog is still alive, but I just didn’t have the spirit or energy to write anymore. I tried to avoid writing as much as I could and focused on other creative ventures like podcasting and creating videos on tiktok. Regardless, we are keeping with the annual year-end review! A lot of stuff has happened this year, and I want to take some time to sit back and reflect on everything in hopes that I could somehow create a cohesive piece, to sum up the entire experience.

Don’t Want to Read? Listen Instead!

2024 will be the year I get everything I want – NOT REALLY

From my last 2023 year-end review, I manifested for a major glow-up, and to no surprise, I got it. HAHAHA. I’m sorry for starting this blog all cocky already! I was just very intentional with 2024. I started the year with a manifestation that it would be filled with blessings: success, love, and a whole life glow-up. I wanted to transform into the best version of myself and reap the benefits of the consistent labor I’ve put into my work, body, and love life.

@christianforemost

Loving my peaceful sunday morning rides. ☺️☺️

♬ original sound – Thought Catalog

At the start of the year, optimism fed my delusion that if I only avoided doubts or fears of failure, everything would come my way. If I kept working and focusing on myself, things would work in my favor. That positivity quickly turned into frustration, then bitterness. The reality of the world is, not everything is up to me. There are more things outside of my control, no matter how many mantras or affirmations I say in the mirror.  

CAREER – Dropping Everything and Redirecting My Focus

My brain was filled with too much pressure from expectations that couldn’t be met right away. My days were cluttered with pointless tasks that only brought me to burnout. I had to reframe my idea of success. Success to me used to be “getting to do something that makes me happy”. But in today’s economy, career fulfillment alone won’t cut it. You need to be able to make money to be successful and improve your quality of life. 

Every effort I put into creating, should return something of monetary value: may that be views, engagement, or actual money. I couldn’t keep wasting time and energy on ventures that would lead me nowhere. This realization drove me to drop my blog, podcast, and tiktok. All three things I loved doing and had so much potential, but they’ve hit a wall. Even if people were consuming my content, they just weren’t enough to bring something of value that was worth my time. I needed to stop doing so many different things. I can’t keep working and working, spreading myself thin, doing the same thing day in and day out, and expecting better results.

@christianforemost

It takes so much work to be okay.

♬ original sound – 𝐮𝐧𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧11_user

Don’t get me wrong, creating content is my passion. But aside from how exhausting it was to keep 3 platforms alive, I was also growing conscious of how much I was putting myself out there. I got tired of being a modern influencer where my value or worth is based on how many views, likes, or engagement my social media posts receive. I hated to admit that I craved attention, and I felt a sense of rejection and abandonment if nobody reacted to my posts or stories. Although I was thankful for some brand opportunities that came by this year, I kind of want to distance myself from social media entirely. I want to reclaim my identity and know that the work that I put into everything I do is enough to validate me as a person. I want to be more authentic, and post more for the sake of passion instead of clout.

I focused on one special thing

I needed to commit to just one passion project: something I could continuously improve on to reach that goal of financial success. Without my blog, podcast, and tiktok, there was now ample time to maximize my efforts and bring my goals to life. I won’t be sharing about this passion project, but basically, it’s a program where I get to have meaningful conversations with people from different backgrounds to spread awareness, reduce stigma, and also advocate for healthier choices.

My passion project went well. Every week, I had something to put out and people would consume it. Then I realized that the bigger you get, the more haters come out into the open. They attack your insecurities and trash everything you worked hard for because, in a twisted way, it turns them on. Even if I wanted to be better, I didn’t have the resources or all the talent in the world to satisfy their expectations. I was also exposed to the dark sides of the internet where people take advantage of the name you worked so hard for to trick or scam other people. Then the lull, the drop in the views, and the lack of response from people who no longer found your content exciting or simply forgot about you because of a shiny new thing. Fair.  

Eventually, I reached burnout and it greeted me with open arms. I had to step away from my project even with the fear that if I stopped, I might lose momentum. I was so caught up in the workflow, of putting out new content each week that I was losing touch with what I was doing it for.

@christianforemost

Tonight lang po tayo ganito. Strong independent na ule tayo tomorrow. 😂😂

♬ suara asli – ale – ale

Then something magical happened during my break. A network picked up my passion project. They would help with most of the heavy work, and I could focus on what I enjoyed: connecting with people and brainstorming creative opportunities to take the project to the next level. My break only lasted less than 2 months before I was back into production and on the charts. Although there were some challenges that threatened the entire existence of my project, we were able to miraculously soldier through. Now, I’m just grateful to have a creative outlet and excited to see where else we can go.

I’m bored of the comfort of my day job.

I struggled with daily motivation this year. It seemed to be more work filling in the 8-hour shift when you’re not entirely clear on what you’re supposed to be doing. I guess I just had to adjust to the fact that the higher the position you have, the vaguer your responsibilities are. You kinda have to motivate yourself to initiate projects you’re currently working on and proactively reach out to people to collaborate.

Despite my- let’s call it “laziness”, I’m still thankful every day for my work and the trust that my colleagues and company have in me. I guess I just got too comfortable and that’s not entirely a good thing for someone who thrives under pressure. Regardless, I am grateful that my current work set-up allows me to make the most out of my time outside of work. I can work on special projects, enrich my routines, and step up for my fitness goals.

BODY – “2024 is my Glow-Up Year. I’ll be Hot AF!”

Even when I started exercising in 2019, I didn’t pay much attention to my workouts and nutrition. Working out was just something that I did consistently and that was that. I didn’t care to establish some actual goals around my body because I thought as long as I was completing my workouts, I was good. But this year, I wanted to glow up in all aspects of my life. To look bigger and have more defined muscles. I wanted to be more confident not just in my body, but overall physical presence which includes how I looked, moved, and interacted with the people around me.

@christianforemost

♬ Let Me Think About It – Ida Corr & Fedde Le Grand

I know that sounds like a very ambitious ask, but as a goal-oriented person, I needed to be clear. I wanted to be very professional when it came to leveling up my life. If I somehow formalized it, I was more likely to follow through. I needed to be very honest and acknowledge the challenges of my current situation. You cannot solve all your problems overnight, but if you somehow write them down, you can have a clearer picture of the steps you need to take.  I was also very thankful to have my MindNation therapists and life coaches. Having that soundboard is very helpful even if most of the time, I feel like I was doing a formal presentation to stakeholders. I’m not kidding, a session with me feels like a board meeting where I presented updates, challenges, and actionable items. HAHA.

Getting Bigger and Bigger

This year, I tried to embody fitness and make it a major part of my life. My friends seldom party or drink now. Workouts are what we usually do when we hang out. A couple of times, we join cardio fitness classes through ClassPass: boxing, cycling, rowing, or we run in Ayala, Makati on Sunday mornings. We’ve joined a couple of fun runs, and races already. We’ve also joined some beginner hikes.

I got so huge this year. I started drinking protein, and I got bigger and bigger until none of my clothes fit anymore. It was only late this year when I decided I finally needed to cut. It was the last thing I wanted since counting my calories felt like a chore. But the reality was no matter how hard you pushed yourself at the gym if you weren’t paying attention to your nutrition, you wouldn’t go anywhere.

@christianforemost

geng geng #CapCut

♬ suara asli – zettaaa – zettaaa

I just started my cutting journey. I can’t say that I’ve lost any weight yet. I guess I’m just building awareness around what kind of food I’m putting into my body and how I can shift things around. Every day that I log my calories on MyFitnessPal app, and adjust my grocery list, the more I understand how to improve. I feel like I’m still figuring things out, but hopefully, I’ll get the hang of it soon.

@christianforemost

I guess laban lang. Walang iiyak jk 💪💪

♬ original sound – Christian – Christian

Running: I hate it

I used to hate running, and maybe I still do. But there isn’t a workout that knocks me out more than running! I guess that is why I think it’s good for me. As a big guy, I’m super slow. I’ve done 5-10 kilometer fun runs already, but I average around 9-10 minutes per KM.

As a sort of encouragement, I tried to romanticize my Sunday mornings. I’d ride my motorcycle through a traffic-free road to Ayala, Makati. I would push to run 5 or 7K. I don’t listen to music or podcasts during my run. Instead, I tried to sight-see some cuties since I was super slow. Sometimes, I would happen by my Tiktok crush but be too shy to say hi. By the time I reached 7K, I would be dying, but I knew that the accomplishment of finishing would have me feeling so good throughout the week. Afterward, I would read a self-help book in a coffee shop. When I came back home, I’d be paralyzed in bed because my whole body would be screaming in pain like it was run over by a truck.  

Working out served as an escape from my house. Although I like living alone with my cats, I knew spending time outside was better for my mental health. Despite the physical torture I would be submitting myself to, I craved that mental clarity and the surge of endorphins that would rush through my system after a workout. Each time I finished a gym workout or a run, I would feel a sense of pride in another challenge overcome.

LOVE – More lessons learned: for better or worse

My anxious attachment

From my experience with online dating and one-sided infatuations with men, I recognized my anxious attachment tendencies. Upon finding someone I like, my brain would paint a picture of our relationship together far into the future. I would read into every interaction virtual or face-to-face, looking for any sign that he might be interested in me. I built an emotional dependency on men I was attracted to, seeking their attention and validation every single day. I would hold my breath, waiting for replies or reactions to the content I posted on social media. In the end, it would be I who hurt myself because of expectations I set for a person whose intentions were never clear. I had to realize that as much as it feels so good to be carried away by assumptions and wishes for love and happiness, the reality of the real world was different from the fantasies in my head. The truth was I had attachment issues and it was something that I had to manage on my own.

@christianforemost

Stay delulu. 💯💯

♬ original sound – bkoutarouv – kozu

To be honest, it was hard, and it still is. It’s a lot of work to manage my anxiety, but I try to work on it internally. I recognize that like everyone, I didn’t have the best childhood. My inner child kept seeking affection from men because my parents never gave that attention to me. I had to reassure the little me that it’s okay now, that I’m safe even if I’m alone. It never really goes away and there are always trigger points especially when I’m meeting and getting to know someone new. I guess I’m just letting go of the idea that I have any control. I also guard my heart very carefully because I know what I’ve been through.

Men I dated this year

I don’t know if you would call it love, but at that time I was happy with the feeling. I tried not to set expectations for a person and let them be who they are and do what they want to do. I no longer rushed anything, but more of just let things play out at the right time. Even when the future was blurry and things wouldn’t seem to work out in the future, we had now, and I treasured most of whatever time we had left. I left things unknown, and words unsaid. I went in going with the flow, knowing that wherever we ended up, I’d have no choice but to accept it. Whether a connection will work out with a person or not, I’d always be grateful for the time I spent with him.

I learned a lot through the men I had feelings for this year. As I was enjoying my time with them and graciously giving everything I could possibly offer, I noticed I was somehow putting up a façade. I thought I was cool with going with the flow without certainty and assurance. But I was not. I neglected that I had needs. I thought it was okay. I could manage my own anxiety. My wounds were mine to heal. I didn’t need a man to be happy. But no matter how much you want someone, you shouldn’t sacrifice your needs. You shouldn’t chase after someone who has a gun on hand, who knowingly or not, pulls the trigger.

@christianforemost

Fell inlove with The Ridleys and Ena Mori suring this night! I’ve got their songs on repeat!! 😍😍 @GNN

♬ luther – Kendrick Lamar & SZA

You deserve more than the bare minimum. You deserve someone who truly cares about you and is willing to communicate through conflict. I learned that aside from finding someone you like, you should also find someone who treats you well and makes you feel safe and valued. Someone who sees you and is willing to get to know more of you. Someone who uses the information they learn about you to make you feel special.

I guess, I got so used to being fed breadcrumbs of affection that I no longer felt like I deserved so much more.  If you’re willing to do everything for a person, shouldn’t they want to do the same? If not, wouldn’t it be your fault for staying? You are once again hurting yourself by cutting yourself short, by allowing yourself to be treated poorly, and by voluntarily offering your heart for slaughter.

For I know you have your own battles to face. I just hope you find it in you to want to be better. I’m always just here. I’m grateful to have loved and cared for you for the time that I did. I’ve accepted the inevitable heartbreak of things ending like it never happened. Maybe you’ll keep our time a little secret or forget it entirely. I have no choice but to move on with my life, not knowing what we were or if you ever felt the same. I wish for both of us to have the maturity to accept whatever life throws our way and ultimately choose what’s best for us.

Regardless, I’ll always be grateful to have given the love that I had. It was a wonderful journey and I hope that they were at least entertained. I once again alone to pick up the pieces and walk in the uncertainty of trying again. My anxious attachment is still there, along with the fresh trauma, but by this time I’m fully aware of how strong I am. I’m open to whatever else happens in my life because I’ve learned new lessons that will change me for the better or worse.

LIFE – To be more mindful, intentional, and graceful with my time.

Most of the time, I felt like nothing was happening in my life. I would feel bad doom-scrolling through Tiktok and Instagram, pointlessly filling my brain with nonsense junk. I hated the feeling of having no purpose, but it was also overwhelming to try and face the underlying issues I had. I think that social media and waiting for a boy’s reply were how I procrastinated. I noticed the bad behavior that I did made me feel worse. Maybe it’s because I got so used to them that they’ve become a part of my autopilot. My lack of goals and purpose stapled me on my bed, leaving me feeling guilty for doing nothing productive during my time. I was fully aware of the kind of person I was: goal-oriented and ambitious, but because of this, I was also actively ignoring my needs. It just felt like so much work to get up and do something. Laziness was an easier option, and I succumbed to the comfort of allowing things to be as they were.

@christianforemost

Let’s pause and be grateful for how far we’ve come. 🤗🤗

♬ Little Life – Cordelia

In line with everything I’ve written so far, I am doing active work on trying to better myself. It took a bit of time to convince myself that things could be better. I had to be open to change even if I knew it would take a lot of work. I’ve read a couple of books this year: Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins, and Ikigai: The Japanese Secret for a Long and Happy Life by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles. From those two books, I learned that everything starts within, and I have the power to transform my life into something I’d like to live for as long as I could. Throughout reading both of these books, I tried to account for my core values as a person and the goals I had to focus on.

Christian is goal-oriented, creative, and growth-minded. Apart from that, I also tried to include new values that I want to embody like being active, and open. Given these core values, how do I align them to my goals from this year, 2024 and how do I level up for 2025? Looking around, I can see that I’ve reached my 2024 goals. I reached them around Q1 already, but as I continued with the consistent work, things just got better, and better.

@christianforemost

Life lately. ☺️☺️

♬ BIRDS OF A FEATHER – Billie Eilish

My 2024 goals were:

• CAREER – get a network for my passion project;
• BODY – bigger and more defined muscles;
• MIND – mindfulness, self-regulation, and learning more;
• LIFESTYLE – earn more and reduce expenses.

I also try to incorporate simple rules and build a routine so that I don’t stray far away from my goals. My rules were:

CAREER

1. Not using the phone during work hours- avoiding social media to avoid distractions.
2. Creating a to-do list in the morning to be more purposeful with the workday.
3. Setting time for passion projects outside of work hours.

BODY

1. Work out 4-5 times a week.
2. Count your calories and eat less processed foods and saturated fats.
3. Progressive overload and push to failure during workouts.
4. Do workouts correctly at full range of motion.

MIND

1. Start the day with a journal entry.
2. Start the day with a 5-minute meditation.
3. Write in a journal if you cannot sleep.
4. Less social media – turning off notifications in all social media apps.
5. Be more mindful and enjoy doing tasks for as long as they need to be done.
6. Read more or watch more documentaries.

LIFESTYLE

1. Reduce online shopping – delete online shopping apps.
2. Earn more – seek out projects that you can earn from.
3. Avoid spending for 3 days a week.
4. Go out more if needed.

I’m not saying I’m 100% faithful to my values, rules, and goals, but it’s nice to have them written down. As much as possible, I try to embody consistency because only with consistency do you see progress.

2025 Goals: More of life

@christianforemost

Parang ang sarap ng buhay nung nasa Siquijor! 🏝️🏝️ Nakaka-miss naman. Sana po makabalik! 🤞🤞

♬ Huwag Muna Tayong Umuwi – BINI

I feel will still carry what I listed over to 2025, but just adding in more. In 2025, I want to experience more of life. I want to be able to travel more and have the money and means to do so. I want to go to Japan. I want to be in a relationship with a boy who I not only like, but makes me feel loved, heard, and cared for. I want to learn everything I need to step up for bigger roles and opportunities for my career. 2025 is the time for a brand new adventure or at least a time to prepare for one.

I can’t really picture what exactly I want for 2025. I just hope that at the rate I’m doing, things will get progressively better. There’s a lot of things to work out and I’m far from perfect. I don’t think perfection is the goal. 2025 will just be more time to be in the NOW. and it’s a good time to be in.

@christianforemost

Storytime about our Mt Pulag Hike this december! 🥾🥾🌄🌄 #mtpulag #mtpulagsummit2024⛰ #mtpulagseaofclouds

♬ That’s So True – Gracie Abrams