I Never Knew What “Loving Yourself” Actually Meant – Being Single

I’m Christian Foremost, a Filipino Blogger/Writer/Podcaster and mental health advocate who writes personal stories of growth, life advice, and refreshing perspectives to inspire you to love yourself. I promote daily journaling as a healthy outlet to express and explore one’s honest thoughts and feelings. The path towards self-discovery and actualization starts by acknowledging your truths and facing your problems head-on.

Like what does “Loving Yourself” even mean?

All through our lives, I’m sure we’ve been constantly told to “love ourselves first” and that “true love will come at the right time”. I’ve always known that like it was a given fact, but for the longest time I was mostly just using it as an excuse.

I didn’t have anyone special in my life, because I avoided the chance at every turn. Being single before even having a chance to be with someone, doesn’t necessarily mean that you know how to love yourself and you’re just preparing yourself for that certain person destiny has promised to come into your life.

I Never Loved Anyone

Before, I never allowed myself to feel love: may it be romantically or the love given by family and friends. I kept my emotions inside and closed myself off from everyone and anyone. Because of that, I was left truly alone. During that time, I felt only this hopeless sense of self-pity with my insecurities constantly reminding me how I was not someone worth loving. Nobody in the world could possibly understand what I was going through, right?

You could label yourself as “not that kind of person”, the kind who dates, entertains courtships or have relationships because you were taught you didn’t need that growing up. You needed to focus on school to be smart enough to land a job that will secure a future. Would anyone even look forward to a future they’ll probably spend alone? No.

I used to envy people who were in love or had romantic relationships. Why was destiny so kind to them? Did these people already love themselves? I didn’t understand. Why did I have to set my entire future up on a blanket statement of “loving yourself” and “waiting for destiny”? What the hell did that even mean? I found out that I simply couldn’t relate and I would never understand if I didn’t open myself up to other people.

I wanted to experience love firsthand.

The loneliness I felt before I was open to meeting anyone and putting myself out there to date was totally different from the independence and willingness to be alone that I carry around now.

After my dating spree (check out Gay Online Dating: A Tell-All for the Hopeless and Introverted) where I was trying to catch up on the many years I forbid myself of love and my coming out (check Out and About: A Coming Out Story) where I finally let people, my friends, and family know the real me, was the only time I truly understood what “loving yourself first” actually meant. I no longer hid in isolation and I felt free. It’s really amazing how you can learn so much from every person you meet and let into your life, even those that stay only for a short second.

You can discover so much about yourself by opening up to other people. You’re actually beautiful and there are details in your personality and the things you do that can make people fall head over heels. But at the same time, people are also imperfect human beings who aren’t entirely good or bad. We are all just trying to figure out how to get through this complicated game called life.

Grow and learn more about yourself to fall in love with the person you are.

“Loving yourself first” means you shouldn’t actively find love and validation from other people. There’s some type of personal growth and emotional maturity involved here that you wouldn’t necessarily have on hand after being born or let’s say “putting studies first”. It takes time.

There are multiple moments in your life you have to face and right then, you have to allow your heart to break. And while you pick up the pieces, you can let yourself heal. You see all sides of yourself from the best and worst parts and you can finally take time to get to know more about them. You have to accept who you are and admit the things you do need to work on because you’re willing to become a better, stronger person.

Self Love and Self Care

Before, it was not comfortable for me to go out by myself like I couldn’t enjoy alone time without having specific errands to run. It was awkward and I was embarrassed for people to see me by myself.

Now though, I can take myself out into the outside world and actually enjoy hours being by myself. It’s okay if nobody checks up on you and pays attention, you don’t need that because you’re totally okay. It’s quiet for sure, but now you can get to hear more and actually appreciate your surroundings.

And you just have so much free time and you can do whatever you want with it. Like you can watch a movie by yourself. It’s so much easier because you can focus and submerge yourself to the big screen.

Pay more attention to your body and overall well-being. Don’t be afraid to pamper and spoil yourself because you freaking deserve it. Dress nicely, smell good and fix up your hair on a normal office day just because you feel like it. It’s doesn’t mean you’re selfish, you’re just taking good care of yourself.

Set Goals for Yourself and Achieve your Dreams!

Take charge of your life and try to be the best version of yourself. You don’t need anyone else to be complete. Do things in life for you because that’s what you want. Continue living your life with that positivity and confidence that you can handle anything.

Have faith in your dreams and make sure that you’re on stepping stones towards achieving them. You can do everything you ever can imagine because guess what? Your life belongs to you.

And out of nowhere, love may just come around. That’s what I think they call “destiny”. Don’t wait for it though, but be open because that’s what life is all about.

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Thoughts:

Theresa
I felt that when I was in college. I wanted to experience being in love, going into relationships. But I was firm not to allow courtship because I want to finish school with no other distraction.

May Palacpac
I miss being young and single at times. There’s just so much that youth has to offer. I’ll always cherish those years.

Karla Obispo
This is really on point! I also love spending time with myself once in a while. Btw, your GIFs are funny!

Blair Villanueva
When you enjoy your life being alone and have fun, you wont have difficulty on sharing that moment and happiness to the right person on the right time. Enjoy and don’t be in a rush.

Wendy Flor
Your writing is very honest because it’s your personal take and that’s what i love about this. this makes you credible to write about all of this. cheers to loving yourself. enjoy! Ivan Jose Aside from loving oneself, another often-stated fact is that everything has its perfect timing. Indeed, just be patient and be open for the many possibilities that life may bring

Jhoanne Que
I love this. Self love will never be selfish as love could not only be found on a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of relationship. This is real talk

Kathleene Grace
Loving thy own self… ah yeah! That’s really very important! Love this! But I do pray for you to find someone to love too! Aside from friends and family if you know what I mean. 😉

You, Me and Benny
Loving yourself is so important! If you don’t love yourself how can you love anything?!

Lyka De Leon
I love your gifs. And i love how you write too. It’s so true that loving yourself is important. I love your blog. I’m a new blogger filipina blogger too. You inspire me to write more 😊

Janie Inguito
Sometimes its better to be alone and not deal with the “love” cause they can’t understand you. Better to love yourself than share yourself.

Joanna Davis
I think that this is very inspiring. It’s so hard to understand what loving yourself means and how you need to love yourself before letting others love you.

Ruchi Verma
I feel you can be happy if you love yourself and your post is perfect tips!!

Amy Braun
It is hard to apperciate yourself and love yourself as a single person, especially when you are in your 30s and 40s, when everyone else is married and there is a expecation for you to even get married. Glad you focus on the good parts of being single and spread positivity to the readers!

Mila Rokosov
well, I always say that you should be at laest 18 months single to get to know yourself well.

Amays Zing
I’m relate Lol! by the way I’m single for almost 20 years and I just wanna say I love being me alone but contented and happy #SELFLOVE

Hackytips
That’s the basic funda of life. First we have to love ourselves. Enjoyed this post.

Rudy Stankowitz
I think you have to be comfortable on your own before you can really appreciate living with someone else www.cpoclass.com

Adventures with Shelby
Self love is so important!!

Proud Inay
It’s true that love yourself first so you can give back the love to others. Just an additional, if you love God above everything yo’ll have an verflowing love that you can share to other as well. Nice article 😉

Abby Sung
Very inspiring and I love how you write!

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